A Good Word for Wives
Charles Spurgeon · John Ploughman's Talk; or, Plain Advice for Plain People
The sign of the " Good Woman."
WE pulled up the horses in the last
chapter at the sign of the " Good
Woman;" and as there is good entertain-
ment for man, if not for beast, under that
sign, we will make a stay of it, and dip our
(148)'
A GOOD WORD FOR WIVES. 149
pen into some of that superfine ink which
has no galls in it. When he writes on so
fair a subject, John Ploughman must be on
his best behavior.
It is astonishing how many old sayings
there are against wives, you may find nine-
teen to the dozen of them. The men years
ago showed the rough side of their tongues
whenever they spoke of their spouses.
Some of these sayings are downright shock-
ing; as, for instance, that very wicked one,
" Every man has two good days with his
wife — the day he marries her, and the day
he buries her; " and that other, " He that
loseth his wife and a farthing, has a great
loss of the farthing."
I recollect an old ballad that Gaffer Brooks
used to sing about a man's being better
hung than married, it shows how common
it was to abuse the married life. It is al-
most too bad to print it, but here it is, as
near as I remember it : —
" There was a victim in a cart,
One day for to be hang'd,
And his reprieve was granted,
And the cart made for to stand.
150 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S TALK.
* Come marry a wife, and save your life,'
The judge aloud did cry ;
* Oh, why should I corrupt my life ? '
The victim did reply.
* For here's a crowd of every sort,
And why should I prevent their sport ?
The bargain's bad in every part,
The wife's the worst — drive on the cart.'"
Now this rubbish does not prove that the
women are bad, but that their husbands are
good for nothing, or else they would not
make up such abominable slanders about
their partners. The rottenest bough cracks
first, and it looks as if the male side of the
house was the worse of the two, for it cer-
tainly has made up the most grumbling
proverbs. There have, no doubt, been
some shockingly bad wives in the world,
who have been provoking enough to make
a man say,
" If a woman were as little as she is good,
A peashell would make her a gown and a hood."
But how many thousands have there been
of true helpmeets, worth far more than
their weight in gold ! There is only one
A GOOD WORD FOR WIVES. 151
Job's wife mentioned in the Bible and one
Jezebel, but there are no end of Sarahs and
Rebekahs. I am of Solomon's mind, that,
as a rule, he that findeth a wife findeth a
good thing. If there's one bad shilling
taken at the grocer's all the neighbors hear
of it, but of the hundreds of good ones re-
port says nothing. A good woman makes
no noise, and no noise is made about her,
but a shrew is noted all over the parish.
Taking them for all in all, they are most
angelical creatures, and a great deal too
good for half the husbands.
It is much to the woman's credit that
there are very few old sayings against hus-
bands, although, in this case, sauce for the
goose would make capital sauce for the
gander ; and the mare has as good reasons
for kicking as the horse has. They must
be very forbearing, or they would have
given the men a Roland for every Oliver.
Pretty dears, they may be rather quick in
their talk, but is it not the nature of bells
and belles to have tongues that swing easy ?
They cannot be so very bad after all, or
they would have had their revenge for the
many cruel things which are said against
152 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S TALK,
them ; and if they are a bit masterful, their
husbands cannot be such very great victims,
or they would surely have sense enough to
hold their tongues about it. Men don't
care to have it known when they are
thoroughly well henpecked, and I feel
pretty certain that the old sayings are noth-
ing but chaff, for if they were true, men
would never dare to own it.
A true wife is her husband's better half,
his lump of delight, his flower of beauty,
his guardian angel, and his heart's treasure.
He says to her, " I shall in thee most
happy be. In thee, my choice, I do rejoice.
In thee I find content of mind. God's ap-
pointment is my contentment." In her
company he finds his earthly heaven ; she
is the light of his home ; the comfort of
his soul, and (for this world) the soul of his
comfort. Whatever fortune God may send
him, he is rich so long as she lives. His
rib is the best bone in his body.
The man who weds a loving wife,
Whate'er betideth him in life,
Shall bear up under all ;
But he that finds an evil mate,
No good can come within his gate,
His cup is filFd with gall.
A GOOD WORD FOR WIVES. 153
A good husband makes a good wife. Some
men can neither do without wives nor with
them ; they are wretched alone in what is
called single blessedness, and they make
their homes miserable when they get mar-
ried ; they are like Tompkin's dog, which
could not bear to be loose, and howled
when it was tied up. Happy bachelors are
likely to be happy husbands, and a happy
husband is the happiest of men. A well-
matched couple carry a joyful life between
them, as the two spies carried the cluster
of Eshcol. They are a brace of birds of
Paradise. They multiply their joys by
sharing them, and lessen their troubles by
dividing them ; this is fine arithmetic. The
wagon of care rolls lightly along as they
pull together, and when it drags a little
heavily, or there's a hitch anywhere, they
love each other all the more, and so lighten
the labor.
When a couple fall out there are always
faults on both sides, and generally there is
a pound on one and sixteen ounces on the
other. When a home is miserable it is
as often the husband's fault as the wife's.
Darby is as much to blame as Joan, and
154 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S TALK.
sometimes more. If the husband won't
keep sugar in the cupboard, no wonder his
wife gets sour. Want of bread makes want
of love ; lean dogs fight. Poverty generally
rides home on the husband's back, for it is
not often the woman's place to go out work-
ing for wages. A man down our parts
gave his wife a ring with this on it, 4< If thee
don't work, thee shan't eat." He was a
brute. It is no business of hers to bring
in the grist — she is to see it is well used
and not wasted ; therefore, I say, short
commons are not her fault. She is not the
bread-winner, but the bread-maker. She
earns more at home than any wages she
can get abroad.
It is not the wife who smokes and drinks
away the wages at the " Brown Bear," or
the u Jolly Topers. " One sees a drunken
woman now and then, and it's an awful
sight, but in ninety-nine cases out of a
hundred it is the man who comes home
tipsy, and abuses the children — the woman
seldom does that. The poor drudge of a
wife is a teetotaler, whether she likes it or
not, and gets plenty of hot water as well as
cold. Women are found fault with for
A GOOD WORD FOR WIVES. 155
often looking into the glass, but that is not
so bad a glass as men drown their senses
in. The wives do not sit boozing over the
tap-room fire ; they, poor souls, are shiver-
ing at home with the baby, watching the
clock (if there is one), wondering when
their lords and masters will come home,
and crying while they wait. I wonder they
don't strike. Some of them are about as
wretched as a cockchafer on a pin, or a
mouse in a cat's mouth. They have to
nurse the sick girl, and wash the dirty boy,
and bear with the crying and noise of the
children, while his lordship puts on his hat,
lights his pipe, and goes off about his own
pleasure, or comes in at his own time to
find fault with his poor dame for not getting
him a fine supper. How could he expect
to be fed like a fighting-cock when he
brought home so little money on Saturday
night, and spent so much in worshipping Sir
John Barleycorn ? I say it, and I know it,
there's many a house where there would be
no scolding wife if there was not a skulk-
ing, guzzling husband. Fellows not fit to
be cut up for mops drink and drink till all
is blue, and then turn on their poor hacks
156 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S TALK.
for not having more to give them. Don't
tell me, I say it, and will maintain it, a
woman can't help being vexed when, with
all her mending and striving, she can't keep
house because her husband won't let her.
It would provoke any of us if we had to
make bricks without straw, keep the pot
boiling without fire, and pay the piper out
of an empty purse. What can she get out
of the oven when she has neither meal nor
dough ? You bad husbands, you are
thoroughbred sneaks, and ought to be hung
up by your heels till you know better.
They say a man of straw is worth a
woman of gold, but I cannot swallow it;
a man of straw is worth no more than a
woman of straw ; let old sayings lie as they
like; Jack is no better than Jill, as a rule.
When there is wisdom in the husband
there's generally gentleness in the wife, and
between them the old wedding wish is
worked out : " One year of joy, another of
comfort, and all the rest of content." Where
hearts agree, there joy will be. United
hearts death only parts. They say mar-
riage is not often merry-age, but very com-
monly mar-age ; well, if so, the coat and
!
A GOOD WORD FOR WIVES. 157
waistcoat have as much to do with it as the
gown and petticoat. The honeymoon need
not come to an end ; and when it does it is
often the man's fault for eating all the
honey, and leaving nothing but moonshine :
when they both agree that whatever be-
comes of the moon they will each keep up
their share of honey, there's merry living.
When a man dwells under the sign of the
cat's foot, where faces get scratched, either
his wife did not marry a man or he did not
marry a woman. If a man cannot take
care of himself, his wit must be as scant as
the wool of a blue dog. I don't pity most
of the men martyrs ; I save my pity for the
women. When the Dunmow flitch is lost,
neither of the pair will eat the bacon ; but
the wife is the most likely to fast for the
want of it. Every herring must hang by
its own gill, and every person must account
for his own share in home quarrels, but
John Ploughman can't bear to see all the
blame laid on the women. Whenever a
dish is broke, the cat did it, and whenever
there is mischief, there's a woman at the
bottom of it : here are two as pretty lies as
you will meet with in a month's march.
158 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S TALK.
There's a why for every wherefore, but the
why for family jars does not always lie with
the housekeeper. I know some women
have long tongues, then the more's the
pity that the husbands should set them
going; but for the matter of talk, just look
into a bar-parlor when the men's jaws are
well oiled with liquor, and if any woman
living can talk faster or be more stupid
than the men, my name is not John Plough-
man.
When I had got about as far as this, in
stepped our minister, and he said, "John,
you've got a tough subject, a cut above
you ; I'll lend you a rare old book to help
you over the stile." " Well, sir/' said I,
" a little help is worth a great deal of fault-
finding, and I shall be uncommonly obliged
to you." He sent me down old William
Seeker's " Wedding Ring," and a real wise
fellow that Seeker was. I could not do
any other than pick out some of his pithy
bits ; they are very flavory, and such as
are likely to glue themselves to the mem-
ory. He says, " Hast thou a soft heart ?
It is of God's breaking. Hast thou a sweet
wife ? She is of God's making. The He-
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A GOOD WORD FOR WIVES. 159
brews have a saying, ' He is not a man that
hath not a woman/ Though man alone
may be good, yet it is not good that man
should be alone. ' Every good gift and
every perfect gift is from above/ A wife,
though she be not a perfect gift, is a good
gift, a beam darted from the Sun of mercy.
How happy are those marriages where
Christ is at the wedding ! Let none but
those who have found favor in God's eyes
find favor in yours. Husbands should
spread a mantle of charity over their wives'
infirmities. Do not put out the candle
because of the snuff. Husbands and wives
should provoke one another to love, and
they should love one another notwithstand-
ing provocations. The tree of love should
grow up in the midst of the family as the
tree of life grew in the garden of Eden.
Good servants are a great blessing ; good
children a greater blessing; but a good
wife is the greatest blessing; and such a
help let him seek for her that wants one ;
let him sigh for her that hath lost one ; let
him delight in her that enjoys one."
To come down from the old Puritan's
roast beef to my own pot-herbs, or, as they
160 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S TALK,
say, to put Jack after gentleman, I will tell
my own experience, and have done.
My experience of my first wife, who will
I hope live to be my last, is much as fol-
lows : matrimony came from Paradise and
leads to it. I never was half so happy
before I was a married man as I am now.
When you are married your bliss begins.
I have no doubt that where there is much
love there will be much to love, and where
love is scant faults will be plentiful. If
there is only one good wife in England, I
am the man who put the ring on her finger,
and long may she wear it. God bless the
dear soul if she can put up with me, she
shall never be put down by me.
If I were not married to-day, and saw a
suitable partner, I would be married to-
morrow morning before breakfast. What
think you of that ? " Why," says one, " I
think John would get a new wife if he were
left a widower." Well, and what if he did,
how could he better show that he was
happy with his first ? I declare I would
not say, as some do, that they married to
have some one to look after the children ; I
should marry to have some one to look
A GOOD WORD FOR WIVES. 161
after myself. John Ploughman is a socia-
ble soul, and could not do in a house by
himself. One man, when he married his
fourth wife, put on the ring —
" If I survive, I'll make it five."
What an old Bluebeard ! ! Marriages are
made in heaven : matrimony in itself is good,
but there are fools who turn meat into
poison, and make a blessing into a curse.
" This is a good rope," said Pedley, " I'll
hang myself with it." A man who has
sought his wife from God, and married her
for her character, and not merely for her
figure head, may look for a blessing on his
choice. They who join their love in God
above, who pray to love, and love to pray,
will find that love and joy will never cloy.
He who respects his wife will find that
she respects him. With what measure he
metes it shall be measured to him again,
good measure, pressed down, and running
over. He who consults his spouse will
have a good counsellor. I have heard our
minister say, " Women's instincts are often
truer than man's reason;" they jump at a
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1 62 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S TALK.
thing at once, and are wise offhand. Say
what you will of your wife's advice, it's as
likely as not you will be sorry you did not
take it. He who speaks ill of women should
remember the breast he was nursed at, and
be ashamed of himself. He who ill-treats
his wife ought to be whipped at the cart
tail, and would not I like a cut at him ! I
would just brush a fly or two off, trust me
for that. So no more at present, as the
thatcher said when he had cleared every
dish on the table.