Things not worth Trying
Charles Spurgeon · John Ploughman's Talk; or, Plain Advice for Plain People
" I have often been told to be bold, and take the bull by the
horns." — Page 93.
THAT is a wise old saying, " Spend not
all you have ; believe not all you
hear ; tell not all you know, and do not all
you can." There is so much work to be
done that needs our hands that it is a pity
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90 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S TALK.
to waste a grain of our strength. When
the game is not worth the candle, drop it at
once. It is wasting time to look for milk
in a gate-post, or blood in a turnip, or sense
in a fool. Never ask a covetous man for
money till you have boiled a flint soft.
Don't sue a debtor who has not a penny to
bless himself with — you will only be throw-
ing good money after bad, which is like
losing your ferret without getting a rabbit.
Never offer a looking-glass to a blind man :
if a man is so proud that he will not see
his faults, he will only quarrel with you for
pointing them out to him. It is of no use to
hold a lantern to a mole, or to talk of heaven
to a man who cares for nothing but his dirty
money. There's a time for everything, and
it is a silly thing to preach to drunken men,
it is casting pearls before swine ; get them
sober, and. then talk to them soberly; if you
lecture them while they are drunk, you act
as if you were drunk yourself.
Do not put a cat on a coach box, or men
in places for which they are not fitted.
There's no making apples of plums : little
minds will still be little, even if you make
them beadles or churchwardens. It's a pity
THINGS NOT WORTH TRYING. 91
to turn a monkey into a minister, or a maid-
servant into a mistress. Many preachers
are good tailors spoiled, and capital shoe-
makers turned out of their proper calling.
When God means a creature to fly, he gives
it wings, and when he intends men to preach
he gives them abilities. It is a pity to push
a man into the war if he cannot fight. Bet-
ter discourage a man's climbing than help
him to break his neck. Silk purses are not
to be made out of sows' ears, and pigs will
never play well on the flute, teach them as
long as you like.
It is not wise to aim at impossibilities —
it is a waste of powder to fire at the man in
the moon. Making deal boards out of saw-
dust is a very sensible scheme compared
with what some of my London friends have
been aiming at, for they have been trying to
get money by buying shares in companies :
they might quite as soon catch the wind in
a net, or carry water in a sieve. Bubbles
are fine fun for boys, but bubble com-
panies are edged tools that none should
play with. If my friend has money which
he can afford to lose, there is still no reason
why he should hand it over to a set of knaves :
92 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S TALK.
if I wanted to get rid of my leg, I should
not get a shark to snap it off for me. Give
your money to fools sooner than let rogues
wheedle you out of it.
It is never worth while to do unnecessary
things. Never grease a fat sow, or praise a
proud man. Don't make clothes for fishes,
or coverings for altars. Don't paint lilies
or garnish the gospel. Never bind up a
man's head before it is broken, or comfort a
conscience that makes no confession. Never
hold up a candle to show the sun, or try to
prove a thing which nobody doubts. I
would advise no one to attempt a thing
which will cost more than it is worth. You
may sweeten a dunghill with lavender water,
and a bad living man may keep up a good
character by an outward showT of religion,
but it will turn out a losing business in the
long run. If our nation were sensible, it
would sweep out a good many expensive
but useless people, who eat the malt which
lies in the house that Jack built ; they live
on the national estate, but do it little service.
To pay a man a pound for earning a penny
is a good deal wiser than keeping bishops
who meet together by the score and consult
THINGS NOT WORTH TRYING, 93
about the best way of doing nothing. If
my master's old dog was as sleepy as the
bishops are, he would get shot or drowned,
for he wouldn't be worth the amount of the
dog-tax. However, their time of reckoning
is on the road, as sure as Christmas is com-
ing.
Long ago my experience taught me not to
dispute with anybody about tastes and whims;
one might as well argue about what you
can see in the fire. It is of no use plough-
ing the air, or trying to convince a man
against his will in matters of no consequence.
It is useless to try to end a quarrel by get-
ting angry over it ; it is much the same as
pouring oil on a fire to quench it, and blow-
ing coals with the bellows to put them out.
Some people like rows — I don't envy their
choice; I'd rather walk ten miles to get out
of a dispute than half-a-mile to get into one.
I have often been told to be bold, and take
the bull by the horns, but, as I rather think
that the amusement is more pleasant than
profitable, I shall leave it to those who are
so cracked already that an ugly poke with
a horn would not damage their skulls. Sol-
omon says, " Leave off strife before it be
94 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S TALK.
meddled with," which is much the same as
if he had said, " Leave off before you be-
gin. " When you see a mad dog, don't ar-
gue with him unless you are sure of your
logic ; better get out of his way, and if any-
body calls you a coward, you need not call
him a fool — everybody knows that. Med-
dling in quarrels never answers ; let hornets'
nests alone, and don't pull down old houses
over your own head. Meddlers are sure to
hurt their own characters; if you scrub
other people's pigs, you will soon need
scrubbing yourself. It is the height of folly
to interfere between a man and his wife, for
they will be sure to leave off fighting each
other and turn their whole strength upon
you — and serve you right too ; if you will
put your spoon into other people's broth,
and it scalds you, who is to blame but your-
self?
One thing more, don't attempt to make
a strong-headed woman give way, but re-
member—
" If she will, she will, you may depend on't :
If she won't, she won't, and there's an end on't.
The other day I cut out of a newspaper
THINGS NOT WORTH TRYING. 95
a scrap from America, which shall be my
tail-piece : — " Dip the Mississippi dry with a
tea-spoon ; twist your heel into the toe of
your boot ; send up fishing-hooks with bal-
loons and fish for stars ; get astride a gossa-
mer and chase a comet ; when a rain storm
is coming down like the cataract of Niagara,
remember where you left your umbrella ;
choke a flea with a brickbat ! in short, prove
everything hitherto considered impossible
to be possible — but never attempt to coax
a woman to say she will when she has made
up her mind to say she won't."