He lives under the sign of the cat's foot
Charles Spurgeon · John Ploughman's Pictures; or, More of His Plain Talk for Plain People
THE CAT'S FOOT.
THE question was once asked, When
sliould a man marry ? and the merry-
answer was, that for young men it is too
soon and for old men it is too late. This is
(ii8)
IHE CAT'S FOOT. 119
all very fine, but it will not wash. Both the
wisdom and the folly of men seem banded
together to make a mock of this doctrine.
Men are such fools that they must and will
marry even if they marry fools. It is \^ise
to marry when we can marry wisely, and
then the sooner the better. How many
show their sense in choosing a partner it is
not for me to say, but I fear that in many
cases love is blind, and makes a very blind
choice. I don't suppose that some people
would ever get married at all if love had its
wits about it. It is a mystery how certain
parties ever found partners ; truly there's
no accounting for tastes. However, as they
make their bed they must lie on it, and as
they tie the knot they must be tied by it.
If a man catches a tartar, or lets a tartar
catch him, he must take his dose of tartaric
acid, and make as few ugly faces as he can.
If a three-legged stool come flying through
the air, he must be thankful for such a plain
token of love from the woman of his choice,,
and the best thing he can do is to sit down
on it, and wait for the next little article.
When it is said of a man, " He lives un-
der the sign of the cat's foot," he must try
I20 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
and please his pussy that she may not
scratch him more than such cats generally
do. A good husband will generally have
a good wife, or make a bad wife better.
Bad Jack makes a great noise about bad
Jill, but there's generally twenty of one
where there's a score of the other. They
say a burden of one's own choosing is never
felt to be heavy, but I don't know, some
men are loaded with mischief as soon as
they have a wife to carry. Yet
A good woman is worth, if she were sold,
The fairest crown that's made of gold.
She is a pleasure, a treasure, and a joy with-
out measure. A good wife and health are
a man's best wealth ; and he who is in such
a case should envy no man's place. Even
when a woman is a little tart it is better
than if she had no spirit, and made her
house into a dirt pie. A shrew is better
than a slut, though one can be quite miser-
able enough with either, If she is a good
housewife, and looks well after the children,
one may put up with a Caudle lecture now
and then, though a cordial lecture would be a
deal better. A husband is in a pickle in-
THE CAT'S FOOT 121
deed if he gets tied up to a regular scold ;
he might as well be skinned and set up to
his neck in a tub of brine. Did you ever
hear the scold's song ? Read it, you young
folks who think of committing matrimony,
and think twice before you get married
once.
When in the morn I ope mine eyes,
To entertain the day,
Before my husband e'en can rise,
I scold him — then I pray.
When I at table take my place,
Whatever be the meat,
I first do scold — and then say grace,
If so disposed to eat.
Too fat, too lean, too hot, too cold,
I always do complain;
Too raw, too roast, too young, too old-
Faults I will find or feign.
Let it be flesh, or fowl, or fish,
It never shall be said,
But I'll find fault with meat or dish,
With master, or with maid.
But when I go to bed at night
I heartily do weep,
That I must part with my delight—
I cannot scold and sleep.
122 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
However, this doth mitigate
And much abate my sorrow,
That though to-night it be too late,
I'll early scold to-morrow.
When the husband is not a man it is not
to be wondered at if the wife wears the
top-boots : the mare may well be the best
horse when the other horse is a donkey.
Well may a woman feel that she is lord and
master when she has to earn the living
for the family, as is sometimes the case.
She ought not to be the head, but if she
has all the brains, what is she to do ? What
poor dawdles many men would be without
their wives ! As poor softy Simpkins says,
if Bill's wife becomes a widow who will cut
the pudding up for him, and will there be a
pudding at all? It is grand when the wife
knows her place, and keeps it, and they
both pull together in everything. Then she
is a helpmeet indeed and makes the house
a home. Old friend Tusser says,
" When husband is absent let housewife be chief,
And look to their labor who live from their sheaf,
The housewife's so named for she keepeth the house.
And must tend on her profit as cat on a mouse."
He is very pat upon it that much of house-
"SARVES HIM RIGHTr 123
hold affairs must rest on the wife, and he
writes, —
" Both out, not allow,
Keep home, housewife thou."
Like the old man and woman in the toy
which shows the weather, one must be sure
to be in if the other goes out. When the
king is abroad the queen must reign at
home, and when he returns to his throne he
is bound to look upon her as his crown,
and prize her above gold and jewels. He
should feel " if there's only one good wife
in the whole world, I'v^e got her." John
Ploughman has long thought just that of
his own wife, and after five-and-twenty
years he is more sure of it than ever. He
never bets, but he would not mind wager-
ing a farthing cake that there is not a better
woman on the surface of the globe than his
own, very own beloved. Happy is the man
who is happy in his wife. Let him love her
as he loves himself, and a little better, for
she is his better half
Thank God that hath so blest thee,
And sit down, John, and rest thee.
There is one case in which I don't wonder
124 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
if the wife does put her mate under the
cat's foot, and that is when he sHnks off to
the public, and wastes his wages. Even
then love and gentleness is the best way of
getting him home ; but, really, some topers
have no feeling, and laugh at kindness, and
therefore nobody can be surprised if the poor
wife bristles up and gives her lord and mas-
ter a taste of tongue. Nothing tries mar-
ried love more than the pot-house. Wages
wasted, wife neglected, children in rags:
if she gives it him hot and strong who can
blame her? Pitch into him, good woman,
and make him ashamed of himself, if you
can. No wonder that you lead a cat and
dog life while he is such a sorry dog.
Still, you may as well go home and set
him a better example, for two blacks will
never make a white, and if you put him in
hot water he's sure to get some spirits to
mix with it.