Great drinkers think themselves great men
Charles Spurgeon · John Ploughman's Pictures; or, More of His Plain Talk for Plain People
SELVES GREAT MEN.
WONDERFUL men and white rats
are not so scarce as most people
think. Folks may talk as they like about
Mr. Gladstone and Lord Beaconsfield, and
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io8 JOHX PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
that sharp gentleman Bismarck, but Jack,
and Tom, and Harry, and scores more that
I know of, could manage their business for
them a fine sight better ; at least, they think
so, and are quite ready to try. Great men
are as plentiful as mice in an old wheat-
stack down our way. Every parish has
one or two wonderful men ; indeed, most
public-houses could show one at least, and
generally two ; and I have heard that on
Saturday nights, when our " Blue Dragon"
is full, there may be seen as many as twenty
of the greatest men in all the world in the
taproom, all making themselves greater by
the help of pots of beer. When the jug
has been filled and emptied a good many
times, the blacksmith feels he ought to be
prime minister ; Styles, the carter, sees the
w^ay to take off all the taxes, and Old Hob,
the rat-catcher, roars out —
*' They're all a pack of fools,
And good-for-nothing tools ;
If they'd only send for me,
You'd see how things would be."
If you have a fancy to listen to these
great men when they are talking you need
GREAT PUBLIC-MEN. 109
not go into the bar, for you can hear them
outside the house ; they generally speak four
or five at a time, and every one in a Mitcham
whisper, which is very like a shout. What
a fine flow of words they have ! There's
no end to it, and it's a pity there was ever
any beginning, for there's generally a mix
up of foul talk with their politics, and this
sets them all roaring with laughter. A few
evenings in such company would poison the
mind of the best lad in the parish. I am
happy to say that these great men have to
be turned out at ten o'clock, for then our
public-house closes ; and none too soon,
I'm sure.
A precious little is enough to make a
man famous in certain companies ; one fel-
low knocked a man's eye out at a prize-fight ;
another stowed away twice as much pud-
ding as four pigs could have disposed of;
another stood on his head and drank a glass
of beer ; and another won a prize by grin-
ning through a horse-collar; and for such
things as these the sots of the village think
mightily of them. Little things please
little minds, and nasty things please dirty
minds. If I were one of these wonderful
no JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
fellows I would ask the nearest way to a
place where nobody would know me.
Now I am at it, I will notice a few other
wonderful bodies who sometimes conde-
scend to look down on a ploughman ; but
before I make them angry I would give
them a verse from one of my old uncle's
songs, which I have shaped a bit.
" I hope none will be offended with me for writing this,
For it is not intended for anything amiss ;
If you consider kindly my remarks you will allow,
For what can you expect from one whose hand is on
the plough ? "
I used to feel quite staggered when I
heard of an amazing clever man, but I've
got used to it, as the rook did to the scare-
crow when he found out that it was a stuffed
nothing. Like the picture which looked
best a very long distance off, so do most
clever fellows. They are swans a mile off,
but geese when you get near them. Some
men are too knowing to be wise, their boiler
bursts because they have more steam than
they can use. They know too much, and
having gone over the top of the ladder they
have gone down on the other side. People
GREAT PUBLIC-MEN. in
who are really wise never think themselves
so : one of them said to me the other day, —
** All things I thought I knew ; but now confess
The more T know I know I know the less."
Simple Simon is in a sad plight in such a
world as this, but on the whole he gets on
better than a fellow^ who is too clever by
half. Every mouse had need have its eyes
open nowadays, for the cats are very many
and uncommonly sharp ; and yet, you mark
my word, most of the mice that are caught
are the knowing ones. Somehow or other,
in an ordinary sort of a world like this, it
does not answer to be so over and above
clever. Those who are up to so many
dodges, find the dodges come down on them
before long. My neighbor Hinks was much
too wise a man to follow the plough, like
poor shallow-pated John Ploughman, and
so he took to scheming, and has schemed
himself into one of the largest mansions in
the country, where he will be provided with
oakum to pick and a crank to turn during
the next six calendar months. He had
better have been a fool, for his cleverness has
cost him his character.
112 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
When a man is too clever to tell the
truth he will bring himself into no end of
trouble before long. When he is too clever
to stick to his trade, he is like the dog that
let the meat fall into the water through try-
ing to catch at its shadow. Clever Jack
can do everything and can do nothing. He
intends to be rich all at once, and despises
small gains, and therefore is likely to die a
beggar. When puffing is trusted and hon-
est trading is scoffed at, time will not take
long to wind up the concern. Work is as
needful now as ever it was if a man would
thrive; catching birds by putting salt on
their tails would be all very well, but the
creatures will not hold their tails still, and
so we had better catch them in the usual
way. The greatest trick for getting on in
business is to work hard and to live hard.
There's no making bread without flour, nor
building houses without labor. I know the
old saying is —
" No more mortar, no more brick,
A cunning knave has a cunning trick ; "
but for all that things go on much the same
as ever, and bricks and mortar are still
wanted.
TOO CLEVER BY HALF. 113
I see in the papers, every now and then,
that some of the clever gentlemen who
blow up bubble companies are pulled up
before the courts. Serve them right ! May
they go where my neighbor Hinks is, every
one of them. How many a poor trades-
man is over head and ears in difficulty
through them ! I hope in future all men
will fight shy of these fine companies, and
swell managers, and very clever men. Men
are neither suddenly rich nor suddenly good.
It is all a bag of moonshine when a man
would persuade you that he knows a way
of earning money by winking your eye.
We have all heard of the scheme for mak-
ing deal boards out of sawdust, and getting
butter out of mud, but we mean to go on
with the saw-mill, and keep on milking the
cows ; for between you and me and the
blind mare, we have a notion that the plans
of idiots and very clever men are as like as
two peas in a shell.
The worst sort of clever men are those
who know better than the Bible and are so
learned that they believe that the world had
no Maker, and that men are only monkeys
with their tails rubbed off Dear, dear me,
8
114 JOHN PLOUGHMAN'S PICTURES.
this is the sort of talk we used to expect
from Tom of Bedlam, but now we get it
from clever men. If things go on in this
fashion a poor ploughman will not be able
to tell which is the lunatic and which is the
philosopher. As for me, the old Book
seems to be a deal easier to believe than the
new notions, and I mean to keep to it. Many
a drop of good broth is made in an old pot,
and many a sweet comfort comes out of the
old doctrine. Many a dog has died since I
first opened my eyes, and every one of these
dogs has had his day, but in all the days
put together they have never hunted out a
real fault in the Bible, nor started anything
better in its place. They may be very clever,
but they wnll not find a surer truth than that
which God teaches, nor a better salvation
than that which Jesus brings, and so finding
my very life in the gospel I mean to live in
it, and so ends this chapter.